(NEW Mental Health Connection - Calumet, Outagamie and Winnebago Counties)
I don't have it in me anymore. The fight , the power, the strength---i feel like I've been at war for as long as I can remember... An internal war ....fighting with my inner demons or fighting back my emotions--hoping that I'm fighting insanity but at times not sure if that won already. The war I fight when I have opened up to someone new and gave them a little trust despite my better judgement and I have metaphorically had my heart ripped from my chest and watch as evil shreads and devours my weeping heart piece by piece.
The inner war I battle with addiction. I envision a white truce flag bobbing up and down in ocean waters only Symbolizing justification and rationalization on my part in which will ignore that battle for now. But too often the truths of my addiction battle are uncovered in the most bizarre ways. How much longer will I be able to hide it....i fight the moral battle of just being a decent person but making sure that my kindness isn't mistaken for weakness When most painful is the friend who suddenly displays their true colors and now I feel like a fool and blame myself for being so God damn blind. Tomorrow i will wake alone and weary and continue on this journey with no end in sight.
you have to decide. what if others did find out and you were helped to wellness? Or worse things come cause of your own behavior? It's much better in a lock down than where you are at now. IN a hospital, if would be you amazed at the constant activities they do, it is like living your six months in one. Wouldn't it be better in hospital than here the way you are now? See now why people hate drugs?